A Plat in the Back

Greetings from seat 5C on Northwest Airlines Flight 368, nonstop Airbus A320 service from San Francisco to Minneapolis/St. Paul. As I mentioned earlier, I travel a lot. Airlines are exceptionally nice to frequent travelers like me. They work very hard to keep my loyalty to them by handing out generous amounts of frequent flyer miles, (like start ups hand out stock options?) and cheap and easy first class upgrades.

Since very few people actually purchase domestic first class tickets these days, the airlines upgrade their frequent flyers to the nice, wide, legroom-laden, and otherwise unsold chairs in the front of the plane. Reward the frequent customer with a perk and free up a seat in the back for another paying coach passenger. A win-win for the airline and frequent flyer.

I’ve been traveling for business for four years now. I am a Northwest platinum elite frequent flyer. I chose Northwest for its liberal upgrade policy (free and automatic) and generous amount of first class seats on its aircraft (16 seats on NW's A319/320 versus United’s 12 seats on the A320 and 8 seats on the A319).

Upgrades are important to me. I’m 6’ 6” tall and weigh 320 lbs (Note to self: time to do something about the 320 lbs thing). Airline seats are designed for people a foot shorter and half my weight. Coach airline seats and I are not good friends.

When I started my new career as a road warrior, I read Flyertalk.com, a chat board devoted to the frequent flyer, for awhile to learn how to play the frequent flyer upgrade game. As I rose through the ranks of elitedom (silver to gold to platinum), I have gotten pretty good at predicting what flights I would be upgraded on and what flights I would be taking my “previously assigned coach seat”. Since becoming platinum elite, I’ve grown accustomed to the cheap, easy, and automatic first class upgrade. I’ve grown spoiled. I no longer have to take the 6:00 am flight out of Hartford to have a reasonable shot at an upgrade. I automatically get upgraded five days before the flight on every NW flight I take.

Then I came to San Francisco. I’d read on Flyertalk that SFO is a rough place to get an elite upgrade. I wasn’t all that worried. I’m a plat. I haven’t ridden in coach in years. I buy my own travel over NWA’s website. When I book my ticket, I choose an emergency exit or bulkhead seat. I don’t actually expect to sit in the seat I pick, but I grab a good coach seat “just in case”. On my flight out of SFO, I picked 5C, the first row of coach, right behind the first class cabin. Five C is a rather narrow seat with lots of legroom. Five days before the flight, I checked my reservation on the computer, expecting to see that I was upgraded to the first class cabin. Shock! Horror! No upgrade! I’m still sitting in 5C!

Time to implement Plan B. Since I have not been automatically upgraded, I check in for my flight via the computer exactly 24 hours before my flight. NWA holds back some first class seats in the unlikely event that some fool may waste their money and actually buy one in the four days leading up to the flight. Usually by the day before the flight, all the seats that NWA is going to sell have been sold, and I can often times snag a first class seat by checking in online very early.

On this trip, check in time is 6:30 am PDT (or 9:30 am EDT or body clock time). After checking in online, I learn that I have been put on the “First Class Upgrade List” at the airport. Bad Words! Really Really Bad Words! No upgrade!

Desperate times call for desperate measures. If I’m going to be upgraded, it will be at the airport shortly before the flight. I arrive at the airport early. With my coach boarding pass and platinum elite card in hand, I approach the gate agent and ask, “Where am I on the upgrade list?”

The gate agent pecks at the computer and says “Mr. Green, you are number four on the list.’

“How many seats are available?” I inquire.

There is one seat available. Hmm… there seem to be a lot of elites on this flight.”

“Yeah… Thanks” I reply and wander away bewildered. A Keoghansque voice in my head says, “Mr. Green, you are the last to arrive. You have just been eliminated from the race.”

So here I sit. I am one with seat 5C. It did not shrink. I am wider now than the last time I rode in NW’s coach cabin. The flight attendant just offered to sell me a "snack box" that resembles an MRE. I’m a stranger in a strange land. I’ve got an excellent view of the first class cabin, and “This Nearly Was Mine” playing on my iPod. SFO to MSP: Three hours and six minutes of being on the outside looking in. At least I’m not alone back here. There are at least two other plats, and untold numbers of gold and silver elite passengers here in steerage with me.

As petty as this entry may sound, It could be worse. I’m in first on the next leg. NW 200, Minneapolis to Providence, RI is an easy upgrade.